How to survive long-distance relationships

I found myself in this situation when I decided to go on Erasmus to the other side of the world. I left my boyfriend, family, and friends behind, and questions swirled in my mind: Will our relationship survive this test? How will we deal with the daily longing and lack of closeness? Sound familiar? If so, great, because I’m going to share some tried and true tips that might help you get through this challenge – and maybe even come out stronger than before! And if you’re still considering such a trip, keep reading – let’s find out together if it’s worth it! Spoiler alert: it is.

It’s not as bad as it seems – how to handle it

At first, everything feels exciting – a new place, new people, new adventures. You’re absorbed in discovering this new world, so there’s no room for missing anyone yet. It’s only after a few weeks, when the novelty begins to fade, that feelings of loneliness and lack of closeness start to creep in. The time difference (if there is one) becomes more noticeable, and the longing grows. That’s when it’s worth reaching for some tried-and-tested advice from a “girl on Erasmus” that might come in handy:

1. Communication – How to avoid going crazy with longing

Most people say that the key to a successful relationship is communication. And they’re right. But that doesn’t mean you need to talk all the time, even with kilometers between you. Sure, it’s great to chat every day, but I found that the pressure of “we must always talk and about everything” does more harm than good. Finding your own rhythm, agreeing on when and about what to say—that’s the key to success. However, remember that when your other half is hundreds of kilometers away, a daily “hey, how’s it going?” is the absolute minimum. 

Bonus tip: Call them sometimes for no reason. Seriously. Nothing lifts the mood like an unexpected call from your partner. Unless you’re in a lecture – maybe less then.

2. Use technology!

We live in the perfect era for long-distance relationships. FaceTime, Zoom, WhatsApp, Messenger – all within reach. A simple phone call can turn into a "hot online date" if you use a little imagination. My boyfriend and I have this kind of date every Sunday. We cook something together on camera (each in our own kitchen) and talk for a few hours. It’s our little way of maintaining closeness.

3. Set the rules of the game

Okay, maybe not the most romantic topic, but if you want to avoid drama, set some rules. When will you see each other? How often will you text? What will you do when the longing reaches its peak, and you feel like throwing your laptop against the wall? Rules help avoid misunderstandings, especially when jealousy arises (distance, parties, lots of new people, you know…). Setting boundaries is essential – it’ll save you unnecessary stress.

4. Patience and understanding are key values 

Every relationship goes through tough moments, and in long-distance relationships, they can seem even more intense. It’s important to be patient and understanding with your partner and yourself. There will be days when everything goes wrong. Longing, frustration, hopeless days – all of that will happen sooner or later. But don’t panic! Remember that these tough moments will pass! Sometimes it’s enough to remind yourself why you’re together and what your common goals are. Erasmus is just a moment in your life, and patience is your greatest ally. 

Note: In moments of doubt, looking at pictures together or writing a short but heartfelt love letter can be very helpful. There’s never too much of that!

5. Shared plans – more than just video chats

Life at a distance cannot be aimless. Planning your future together is something that keeps you grounded. My boyfriend and I already have a list of places we’ll visit when I return. Honestly, planning future vacations or meetups gives incredible motivation to survive those tough days. This way, you know that this separation is just a phase, not forever.

6. Face-to-face meetings

Let’s not kid ourselves – even the best internet can’t replace real face-to-face meetings. In a long-distance relationship, planning visits is the most important thing. Even if you’re separated by thousands of kilometers, it’s good to have something to look forward to. Planning a visit – even if it’s months away – gives hope and motivation. 

And when you finally meet after months apart, there’ll be no end to the love. So even if flight tickets seem expensive, think of them as an investment in your relationship. Besides, Erasmus is a great opportunity to explore a new country, right?

7. Trust and emotional support

Long-distance relationships are built primarily on trust. Without this foundation, it’s hard to survive the separation. Trust isn’t something that comes naturally. Oh no, my friends, you have to work on it, and in a long-distance relationship, it becomes even more challenging. That’s why it’s crucial to be honest and loyal. Longing, jealousy, and anger might rear their heads, but keeping secrets? That’s a big no-no. Remember, honesty doesn’t mean texting every 10 minutes about where you are and with whom. Trust yourself and your partner. If you can’t, well, maybe Erasmus is a good time for some reflection?

Pro tip: If your partner doesn’t reply right away, it’s not because they’re cheating. Erasmus takes up a lot of time (classes, trips, events, etc.). Show support and understanding.

8. Take care of yourself

I know that longing can be overwhelming, but you can’t let it dominate your whole life. Erasmus is not only a chance to study and meet new people, but also an opportunity to pursue your passions. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself because your partner is far away, focus on yourself! Discover a new hobby, meet people from other countries, go to a party (okay, maybe don’t overdo it with that one). This way, you’ll have something to talk about with your partner, and you’ll return full of new experiences. After all, it’s your time to grow! The busier and happier you are, the easier it will be to survive the separation.

Does it really work?

A long-distance relationship is a real challenge, but – hey! – who said love was easy? The most important thing is to remember why you’re together and stick to these few simple rules. Erasmus isn’t the end of the world for your love; it’s just a little test to show how much you love each other. And me? I survived – and you can too! 

And you? Ready for an adventure?

If you’re thinking about going on Erasmus but are afraid of what it might mean for your relationship – remember, it doesn’t have to be the end. Quite the opposite, it could be the beginning of something new, something that will strengthen your relationship. It’s worth trying and fighting for what’s important. 

I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!